C'est la vie!

A successful man never conquers alone. You need friends. You need people around you to be at the apex. Alone, the world will come crushing down on your shoulders. With friends, you can climb around it and stand on the world. You can even sing your lungs out, maybe Carpenters' "Top of the World" or ABBA's "The Winner Takes It All".
While a friend is someone who is:

faithful,
reassuring,
inspirational,
encouraging,
necessary and
dedicated,

a friend could also be:

fearful,
revengeful,
inconsiderate,
egoistic,
narcissistic, and
delusive.

Alan was very successful with his business which revolved around biochemical synthesis and scientific gadgets and machineries. He had 6 best friends. He was proud of them. He liked mingling around them. He treasured moments with their presence and lamented times of their absence. Doing things without them was like sipping piping hot tomyam soup minus the cili padi a.k.a. the bird's eye chilli - no spice, no thrill. Until the day when they, one after another (fortunately, not altogether doing it at the same time, pity the man if it happens), stop his heart from beating - figuratively speaking, of course. Then, he felt like submerging his head into the simmering tomyam soup.

FRED

"Just asking you to back me up and you just can't do that. What good of you anyway to be my friend?"

"Fred, it is just wrong to cheat in your reports. The science community will know sooner or later. You know that. You must understand, I am helping you."

"Helping my arse! Oh, I know, you are just taking revenge because you lost your girl to me. Is that right? Well, speechless? I knew it all along! You son of a..."

"It's nothing like that. I am mad at you for that, yes, but that's not why..."

"I am not listening to any of your distorted arguments. You make me sick, you know. Now I am off the job and ostracized. Happy?"

"Listen to me..."

"No, YOU listen to me. From now on, you walk your way and I walk mine. Never I want to see your sickening face again in my life."

"Fred..."

Fred didn't turn back. Not even once.

RICHARD

"Hey, buddy, care to spent some time with your best friend?"

"'Course, Richard."

"You see, I am working on a prototype for improved protein fractionation, analysis and characterisation. Word has it that you are currently into this area. Isn't that true?"

"You have the most receptive ears, I reckon. Anyway, yeah. You are not trying to probe into my job, aren't you?"

"Nah, just asking for some professional advices. Our device is more specialized in isolating PGRs, phytohormones, you know, possible jasmonates and stuffs like that. It is specifically programmed for that. I know you are doing enzymo in animal cells. So, no worries. "

"Okay, so what is it you want to know?"

"Oh, there is ......" So, they talked.

2 months later, Richard's team came up with a whole new model which rivals the one that Alan's team was researching. Alan confronted Richard.

"I thought you said you are doing plants. Unless gangliosides, lamin A, lipofuscin and leptin are found in plants. Oh wait, they AREN'T."

"Cool down, man. I just thought of switching project title. No big deal. Sorry if I grabbed your piece but you have so many other potential projects. You are prodigious. No prob in finding new avenues, eh?"

"That's not the point. My team spent so much time and effort and you just came and swept everything off our feet. What the hell are you thinking?"

"Whoa, you said it as if I murder someone."

"Well, nothing less than a robbery, I suppose!"

"Geez, if you are that upset, I say we share the profit I earn. Seven-three? How does that sound?"

"Seven-three? I get the seven while you get the three, now how does THAT sound?" Alan retorted sarcastically.

"Me three? That's like robbing of me!"

"EXACTLY. Now you know how it feels like being robbed, dontcha? It is not about the money. It's about the ethics, the rules of playing the game and most importantly - our friendship. You do realize you are double-crossing me, don't you?"

"I am not using you, oh Lord, I was just asking for opinion and you gave it to me! In your own volition!"

"I told you just because you lied to me."

"As I'd said, we had a change of plan."

"You expect me to believe it?"

"Fine. If you insist on that, then have it your way."

"I can't believe it. You used me and now you pull that stinky face of yours?"

Richard didn't bother to finish the iced tea. Lost of words, Alan only could glare at Richard's silhouette under the dim light. He couldn't touch the apple sherbet. His gut was brimming with anger and disappointment. He needed to cool down. But ice wasn't sufficient. Then somebody called. At first, he was unhappy. Then, he smiled. He had something important. Something so important that he could turn the table around and play it to his advantage. He would lose his friend for this. But that didn't change much seeing that he already lost Richard when he left after the row. Pay back time.


IAN

"Alan, you treacherous thief!" Ian burst into Alan's office.

"Keep your voice down, for god's sake. People are listening."

"Like I give a damn about that! After all you did to me, I would even sing it to the street!"

"What now? What did I do to you?"

"Oh, don't pretend, you piece of shit. BioZen, did that ring a bell?"

"Richard's company."

"Now you remember."

"You lost money?"

"Else why would I be here?!"

"I told you to stop investing on it but you wouldn't listen."

"You said it worth the cash!"

"I said it was but it isn't anymore when Richard's product has technical errors that he couldn't rectify. He lost his customer pool. His company's market value plummeted since." Alan smile inwardly as he said this. He knew there was problems with Richard's product because his own prototype was having some problems as well. The call he received after Richard left that day was from his colleague. His colleague mentioned about some malfunctions of the prototype. That time, he knew what to do.

"You shouldn't have introduce me to this shitty company. Now I am broke." Ian was at the verge of tears.

"Sorry, I..."

"I don't need your bloody sympathy. I will, I swear to god, make your life miserable. I swear!"

Ian stomped out, leaving a disappointed man in his office.


ELAINE

"Hey, Elaine, it has been a long time."

"Alan!" They embraced.

"Let's go for dinner, you are free, right?"

"Let's see, I have to go down to meet my sis. Hmm, my sis could wait. Let's go, Alan."

"At Ferdinand's?"

"Seems like I have nothing on me that you don't know."

When they arrived at Ferdinand's Diner, they dined and chatted. Then, Alan sensed something was wrong after Elaine took a phone call.

"Is everything alright? You look terrible."

"Erm, it's... it's nothing, really. I..." Her eyes were wet.

"You are freaking me out. You can tell me if something's not right. Elaine?"

"It's my fiance. He..."

"Cheated on you?"

"How..." She stared at Alan, her big eyes now swollen.

"Your face kinda tell me everything. If that a-hole doesn't know how to appreciate you, then he doesn't worth your piece of heart. Crying will not do anything to him but it makes you worse."

"Alan..."

"You are my friend, I can't leave you alone when you are not happy."

"Thanks. I think I need to go now. Need some air. Can you drive me to my place?"

"I would do so even you didn't ask."

When they arrived, Elaine gave Alan a peck on his cheek and Alan hugged her tight. Elaine broke of from the embrace and walked towards her front door.

Suddenly, Elaine tripped.

"Are you ok?"

"I guess I sprained my ankle."

"Come, I go up with you."

"Sorry, Alan, for bothering you this much."

"No need for that. Come closer to me so that I could hold you tight."

"Ah..."

"Hurts a lot?"

"Yeah..."

"Come, we do this together and get you on the bed. It is more comfortable for your sore ankle."

"Okay..."

"We do it slowly, if it hurts, tell me to stop."

"Oh..."

"It seems like it's not your first time spraining the ankle, huh?"

She laughed. "How can you tell?"

"The way you walk in your high heels are as if you are uncomfortable. So I venture that you seldom wear them and if you do, you tend to sprain yourself."

"Interesting reasoning. Ouch..."

"We can do this. Come on, only a few more steps. We do this together and we will be fine, okay?" Then, they reached the front door.

"Ah... finally, Alan!"

Panting, Alan nodded.

"Thanks, I am very happy tonight. Thanks for your company. You are wonderful and strong, I am not light, you know."

"You kidding me? Anyway, I am happy too."

"Night."

"You don't want me to help you in?"

"No, thanks. I can manage it. You help me enough."

"Okay then, night."

A few days later, Alan, who's married to Anna, was confronted by her.

"Al, where were you again 3 nights ago?"

"I thought I told you I met my friend and had a drink?"

"What kind of friend exactly?"

"Why are you asking me all these? What's wrong, darling? You are crying."

"Look at this!" She threw a brown envelope onto the desk. Somehow, the envelope looked ominous. Alan took out the photos, examined them with horror.

"I can't believe this. I... She was my friend. My best friend. Elaine, you remember her? I mentioned to you last time."

"I don't care. You two are.... intimate and I never knew it!"

"No, it's not what it appears to be. Listen..." Alan tried to put on his best smile but of no avail.

"THESE PHOTOS ARE RIGHT THERE. CONCRETE AND SOLID! WHAT ELSE YOU COULD DENY?" She bellowed with tears trickling down her red cheeks.

"It's not like that."

"Oh, so you are implying that these photos are made from photoshop or- don't interrupt! - or you have a twin brother that I never knew of? It is not surprising, isn't it? Since you never tell me the whole thing!"

"Ally, please..."

"If the photos are not convincing, then listen to this!"

Ally played a tape that presumably came with the photos.

"...... Come closer to me."
"Ah..."
"Hurts a lot?"
"Yeah..."
"Come, we do this on the bed. It is more comfortable."
"Okay..."
"We do it slowly, if it hurts, tell me to stop."
"Right."
"It seems like it's not your first time, huh?" Elaine's laughter.

PAUSE.

"We come together."
"Ah... Alan!"
Alan's panting.
"Thanks, I am very happy tonight. Thanks for your company. You are wonderful and strong, I am not light, you know.

Alan froze. She taped, cut and stitched up their conversation to MODIFY IT!

"Oh, god..."

"So? Had your tongue tied up by guilt? Can't find any excuses? Is that right?"

"Who sent in this package?"

"Why does it matter? You CHEATED on me."

"Ally, I can explain this. Give me time."

"Give you time? So that you can screw around more?!"

Alan left the house and dialled Elaine's number. It rang on forever. When he was about to hang up, the ringing stopped. He waited with bated breath.

"Alan? I am sorry." The voice from the other end sounded so distant.

"You FRAMED me! WHY?"

"I am so sorry. I had to. I had no choice. I need cash. I owe a lot of money in business. I am sorry."

"Apology can't help much to me, can it? Elaine?"

There was a silent pause.

"Who asked you to do it? "

"Ian."

Her curt, blunt response made Alan stood riveted on the ground. Ian. His words the day he left his office rang in his mind:

I will, I swear to god, make your life miserable. I swear!

"But how can he pay you? I thought the guy is broke."

"He was. But he got lucky somehow and struck the jackpot."

"He asked you to wreck my marriage?"

Silence.

"How much did he pay you?"

"Enough to get me start all over again. Alan, I am so sorry and I know mere apology is of no use. I have to leave now. Goodbye."

"Elaine! Elaine!"

The line went dead. But it would not help either if she stayed on the line. His wife would not forgive him no matter how he explained. Well, who would believe him? No eyewitness. Just him and Elaine. No, wait, plus the mysterious photographer. He bet it must be Ian himself.


NATHAN

"Hello? Who is this?"

"Alan, is me, Nathan!"

"Nathan? Why had you changed your number? I didn't know it was you."

"No time to explain pal. Erm, I just want to say I am sorry. Okay? And just becareful."

"What? Nathan? Nathan?" He hung up.

He had enough apologies. But they couldn't save his marriage last time. Now, he feared something bad was looming over him. Why the sudden apology? Most importantly, what to be careful of?

He had his answers in a couple of days later.

One evening, back from work, he found his patio and mahogany door were tainted with bright, red paint. Something wasn't right. He could make it out at first. Then, a phone call came. An unknown caller.

"Is this Alan Wong Jia Haw?" A muffled voice. Not a good sign.

"Yes."

"Enjoy the red view? You are to clear the debts. I don't have to labour on the details if you fail to comply."

"I am sorry. What debt?"

"The debt Nathan Mok owed!"

"I am not aware of any debts by him. And if he owes you money, why look for me?"

"He fled with one hundred grand. He borrowed from us and he wrote your name as guarantor and you signed it."

"What?! It must be some mistake. I never did anything like that."

"I have the papers and your signature is there. Genuine. I have cross-checked it with your other signatures."

"Cross-checked?"

"I have people working for you in your firm. I know about you. And I also know that you are well-off."

Alan was speechless. He was confused, indignant and betrayed. But he must tend to the matter at hand.

"A hundred grand is a huge sum."

"You have a week." Click.

Alan dialled Nathan's number. Nathan picked up on the tenth ring.

"I thought you will never listen to my calls!"

"So you have met them?" Nathan asked nervously.

"Not face-to-face yet, no. What the hell did you do?"

"I cannot pay them back. I don't have money! You must help me."

"Help you? I am sinking in the mud now, thanks to you!"

"Are you okay?"

"Maybe for now. The next time you heard from me, maybe it will be on the obituary or on the headlines!"

"Don't say that."

"What? Feeling remorseful now? Why did you forge my signature?"

"You are the only person I could think of at that moment. Sorry."

"Sorry won't do any good, will it? I am sick of the word and you people!"

"Help me, Alan, please."

Alan hung up and threw his phone on the couch. What else he could do? If he didn't want to save Derek's ass, he should save his. He didn't have a choice. He hated his friends for betraying him. He hate them for dragging him into the quagmire. He wanted to help them all but instead, they were strangling him.


DEREK

"Hey there, you look like you the whole world owe's you money and losing your your parents at the same time."

"Watch it, buddy."

"Sorry."

"People nowadays love to say sorry like it could save all the troubles, don't they?"

"You look irritable."

"I have a friend who thinks I am not helpful while I am just doing the right thing, and a friend who steals my idea for profit and lies to me at the same time, and a friend who doesn't listen to my advice and when he gets into trouble, he blames it all on me, and friends who needed money and thus would do anything to hurt me and my family."

"Very unfortunate."

"Referring to me for having those so-called friends or to them for having me as their "best" friend?" Alan asked sarcastically.

"Bad time for you, huh?"

"Derek, you are my best pal since primary. Glad to have you as my chum."

"Wow, thanks for the compliment."

"Hey, you still do your writing stuff?"

"Yup, working on a novel. Alan, why don't you spill out all those unfortunate events to me. It is better to get it out than to leave them brewing inside you. Gets too much gas in you when you let them sit in your gut and your will get a loud fart one day."

"Very funny, Derek." So Alan spilled his guts.

Then, months later, Alan found that people on the streets start to stare and point at him. He was bemused. Then, when he walked past the bookstore, he saw it, right at the bestseller's.

"Things You Didn't Know About the Man - Alan Wong.
By Derek Chua C. S."

Derek used his ordeal for his source of income. Without his permission. He didn't bother to ring Derek's phone. He knew he would just listen to more excuses and lies. He was tired of it. He didn't know whom to trust apart from his family. Why friends just can't be just friends?

Maybe he was just overdoing it. It was nothing, right? Derek was just using his own unfortunate encounter to earn for a living. Nothing wrong with it. Oh, nothing wrong with Fred too. He was just trying to get famous by faking the results. Nothing wrong with Richard either. He was also trying to earn more money. Nothing wrong with Ian, Elaine and Nathan too. The only one who was wrong was himself. Yeah, it must be. Alan thought sardonically.

Fred, Richard, Ian, Elaine, Nathan and Derek, their initials spell F-R-I-E-N-D. But are they?

Friends are not supposed to use one another. But that is the point - SUPPOSE. It is not suppose to happen but it COULD. Sometimes, life is not what most of us dream of. If you think things will be good, it could turn out otherwise. It is not pessimism, because -
C'est la vie!

Message in the Zephyr

That night was as starless as the previous night. The void firmament was bespangled with the earthly cacophony of cricket chirps and the lonesome frog croaks. But they did add a little colour to the drab surroundings. It was never too hot or too cold in my room. The cool November zephyr due to the torrential downpour days ago had swept away every bit of heat. No one could turn down a cool, refreshing night. No one could even be insomniac when the night air was blended with the nature’s spray of comfort. That included the regular person like me. Though the breeze had tapped on the window panes noisily while the curtains danced to the nature’s tune with fervour, I didn’t stir. It was just a perfect night for a tight slumber.

Maybe the year end holidays were round the corner. It was like what the Westerners of the Northern Hemisphere called it, what’s the name again, right, the winter holidays. The holiday mood coupled with the soothing night breeze made my bed extra cosy. I thought I could even hibernate on it. It was a dreamless night. Dreamless was good, as uninterrupted sleep was a yearning everyone would want. I was a regular sixth grader. I just sat for an important exam. With the approaching holidays, I couldn’t help but smile even in my sleep. Everything was nice and happy, at least for that moment. As a kid, I thought happiness last longer than the sadness in the world. Naively, I thought even sadness and despair were inevitable they would only come after the happiness was enjoyed first.

It was like riding a bike on a mountain range. As you climb up the mountain, you are getting more and more exalted and happy. You enjoy it. As you go past the peak and start to descend, you are still enjoying the thrill the happiness bring you, only that the feeling starts to get a lot plainer. Still, you are happy. Then, you come to a valley, a stretch of low land. You feel depressed, unlike the feeling while riding up and down the Fun Mountain. On the flat land, there might be occasional trenches and bumps that make you uncomfortable. After the Valley of Despair, you will see another Fun Mountain. Again, you ride up the mountain happily and descend to another Valley of Despair. It is like a cycle. You get to feel a little happy at first. Then the happiness becomes intensified. Later, before sadness strikes, you will get to feel the happiness leaving slowly so that you can adapt to the upcoming despair.

That was what I thought as a kid. It was impossible that before one could finish enjoying happiness, sadness would interrupt. But my belief would be shattered to smithereens soon. Not only that despair would interrupt while a person was enjoying, it would interrupt violently and relentlessly. Despair is rude. It will never wait or take turns. When it wants to come to see you, it comes right away. As it arrives, it won’t stop in front of you or knock before entering. It barges into your heart and knocks you down like a truck running down on you. Hard and unforgiving.

It was when I thought I could sleep on until the next day the phone in the adjacent living room rang. At first, I thought it might be some “oh-sorry-wrong-number” people. The master bedroom door squeaked open. I heard footsteps scurrying. Someone answered the phone. Maybe mum. Then I just slept on. A little while later, the phone rang madly again. I was still thinking of the same reason. Maybe the same caller called again. It happened all the time. When they dialled and was told to reach the wrong person, they thought they might make a mistake by punching the wrong number. Hence, they punched the number again. When they were told, for the second time, to dial the wrong number, it was clear that the number they had in hand was wrong. Then, usually the ringing of the phone would cease. 2 wrong-number calls in a row hence didn’t strike as anything peculiar to me. After my eyelids closed shut for a few more minutes, the phone rang again. This time, mixed feeling of indignation and suspicion began to brew in my gut. Something was wrong. Indignant, because of the ear-piercing phone calls. Suspicious, because of the nonstop ringing. Who would call this late in the night? I dismissed the thought of wrong-number callers. I reached for my glasses at the bed side and turned on the lamp. I squinted due to the sudden bright light. After adjusting to the surroundings, I looked at the clock. It was barely 5 in the morning. Weird. Who would call at this hour? My friends? Couldn’t be.

I strained my ears to listen for any conversations. I heard nothing. I was pretty sure someone picked up the phone. The ringing stopped immediately after it started.  Definitely someone answered it. Then I realized something unusual. When the phone rang for the first time, I heard my parents’ bedroom door made a characteristic squeak, signalling that someone was opening the door. But the 2 subsequent phone calls didn’t follow with the door-opening creak. I knew I wouldn’t miss it because the squeak was quite audible and our room was 3 steps away from the master bedroom. Sensing something was up, I got up. With feline footsteps, trying not to wake my still sleeping brother, I tiptoed to the door. After shutting it quietly behind me, I planned to head to the living room. But a sound made me stood riveted. A sobbing sound. It was somehow unnerving. Somebody crying in the wee hours? It sounds like mum. Something was really wrong. I went to the living room and saw her. Her trembling body was silhouetted against the red lantern light. I tried to say something but words seemed to be stuck at my throat. She raised her head. Her face was carved by rivulets of tears. The eyes were swollen with tears dammed up to the brim. The next thing she said stunned me for a long, long time.

“Have you seen your grandpa?” She asked me while trying to suppress her emotions. We went back to hometown to visit my grandparents just 2 days back.

“Yes.” I answered bluntly. Suddenly, I knew where she was going. I shivered. It couldn’t be. It just couldn’t be. I must be thinking too much. I quickly shook off my assumption.

“Well,” she swallowed hard, mentally preparing how to break the news, the bad news, to me. ”He went away.”

I was frozen. The last 3 words smote me hard on my head with cold water washing down from scalp to toe. It was like I was hit by an ice sledgehammer that instantly melted into frigid water. I tried to remain composed. No. No, it just can’t be right. Just as I expected. But it couldn’t be. But it wasn’t be a joke, right?

She thought I didn’t get it. She repeated, this time without euphemism. “He passed away.” Though I had already got her message the first time, still I felt my heart sank deeper when she reiterated in a more straightforward manner. I held back. I didn’t cry. I shut my eyes and refused to think any of this. I didn’t go to the school that morning for obvious reasons.

I remembered that day as he bade farewell to me. It just didn’t register to me that the farewell would be a long-lasting one. Grandpa was someone I revered and respected. His fatherly looks and the hardworking personality never failed to awe me. Though his visage was etched by the merciless time and hands tattooed with scars and bruises, he still worked diligently by heaving and shouldering anchor-weight sacks and gunny bags filled with goods.

“Eh, I am leaving now. See you in New Year,” he said in a smile. “Bye.”

Bye. That was the last word he said. He was tying his shoe lace then while I was watching the TV programme. At that time, the word didn’t have any other meaning other than a normal way of people bidding farewell. But it meant a whole lot differently after the incident. Bon voyage, but a voyage to another world. If I hugged him before he left for work, or forever, at least I could still let him touch me for the last time. Maybe if I pled him to stay for another night or his car broke down and needed repair, he might still be alright. Maybe. If. These words meant nothing after the worst had happened.

He was driving with his co-driver on the highway. Then they thought something was wrong with the lorry. He stopped by at the roadside and got down to inspect the vehicle. Then disaster struck. A motorcycle suddenly appeared before him and it happened. The last light he saw was that of the bike and the last air he inhaled was that of the highway. Then everything went dark and unconsciousness set in, just like when one was sleeping - only this time it was forever.

We went for the funeral. It was my first time attending to one. The atmosphere was funereal. It was an elegiac moment for everyone. The innocent eyes of the toddlers and grandchildren, who couldn’t grasp the meaning of death and departure, darted doubtfully from one crying adult to another lamenting adult. Ignorance is bliss, they said. Watching the people around you crying and weeping was contagious, especially to a twelve year old who first experienced the meaning of death of a close relative. Those adults who usually lectured you and acted maturely all the time were now broken down into tears. The wailing and bawling went unabated for a long time and I couldn’t help but cried silently. Every time the scene of my grandpa waving goodbye while he was tying his shoe lace re-enacted in my mind, my guts ached and tears began trickling down. Usually, that happened when I tried to sleep. I wept silently and the tears would wash down my face incessantly. I couldn’t believe it. He was just waving to me the other day. His voice was loud and clear. Only days ago he was still alive and vibrant. It was so unreal to me. You heard of people losing their kin and friends on the news or via conversations. Yet, you wouldn’t feel the sorrow but just a sense of sympathy. When people were sad when they lost someone they love and you attempted to console them by telling them that you know how they feel, they would reply that you couldn’t be possibly understand their feeling unless you experienced the same. True. One cannot empathize with another until one has undergone the same ordeal. The feeling of losing someone close to you was really hard to comprehend, much less to convey to another. It was more than just sad and sorrow. It was complicated.

The funeral had lasted for 3 days. So did our tears. I finally accepted the situation. Grandpa had left. He now resided in a different place – in our heart and soul. He would join the ancestors and be the guardian of our family, watching over us. I believe when a person leaves this world, the most important parts of him/her will remain with us – the memories, the love and the warmth. Those are more than enough to keep a person’s existence in our hearts forever, though the tangible physical self was no longer there.

Staring at the same night sky almost a decade later, nothing had changed much. The starless sky and the hidden moon spoke of the same loneliness. Perhaps the croaking and chirping had lessened. The breeze was as cooling. This time, I had a favour for the wind. Message in the zephyr, that's what I called it. Hope he could receive it. I knew he would.

Grandpa, how do you like it there? If you are bored, you can come to my heart. I left a room for you there. Don’t worry, grandma is doing fine. Hey, you have a granddaughter. I bet you will be very happy since you only have grandsons all this while. She is very cute and of course, naughty. Grandma is very happy playing with her. Oh yeah, granduncle, your brother, left us recently. He is very brave in confronting his illness. Though he succumbed at the very end, still he fought with valour. He lost the battle but he defended his pride well. Now you have a companion. Hope you will no longer be lonely. We will take care of grandma. Oh yeah, grandpa? We still love you.