Stupid English

Let's face it

English is a stupid language.

There is no egg in the eggplant

No ham in the hamburger

And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.

French fries were not invented in France.

 

We sometimes take English for granted

But if we examine its paradoxes we find that

Quicksand takes you down slowly

Boxing rings are square

And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

 

If writers write, how come fingers don't finge?

If the plural of tooth is teeth

Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth

If the teacher taught,

Why didn't the preacher praught?

 

If a vegetarian eats vegetables

What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?

Why do people recite at a play

Yet play at a recital?

Park on driveways and

Drive on parkways?

 

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy

Of a language where a house can burn up as

It burns down

And in which you can be filling in a form

By filling it out.

 

English was invented by people, not computers

And it reflects the creativity of the human race

(Which of course isn't a race at all)

 

That is why

When the stars are out they are visible

But when the lights are out they are invisible

And why it is that when I wind up my watch

It starts

But when I wind up this observation,

It ends.

Adapted from http://www.ahajokes.com/